Friendships before and after marriage

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I have a lot of friends, some are better than others. Few are female, most are male. Few are married, most are single. One cannot dispute the fact that the friendship equation changes among friends when one of them gets married. For example, I have often been told that once girls get married, they detach from their “girl friends” and completely cut off their “guy-friends”. I must admit, I have personally experienced the “detaching” of girl-friends, post marriage. I feel bad, because somewhere down there, I get a feeling that these girls truly miss their friends (one girl admitted that to me as well). And yes, I have also seen many of my “girl-friends” no longer interacting with their guy-friends. It is sad. You lose so many friends. I have also heard that when guys get married,  they exclusively cut-off their “female friends”, but continue their friendships with their “guy-friends”.

For me, things did not change much post marriage. I always had fewer girl friends and more guy-friends. And here, I don’t just mean hi-bye friends. I mean beautiful meaningful platonic friendships. Post marriage, I have more or less maintained those relationships. But I must admit, my friendships with guy-friends changed once they got married! I guess, for a situation of friendships to remain status quo, all 4 people involved- the 2 friends and their respective partners need to sort of align in some wavelength. It is not necessary that the spouse has to be part of this friendship, but not interfering and letting that friendship “just be as it is” itself is a great contribution from the spouse’s side. Failing to do so, somewhere down the line, distancing begins to happen.

Now, in your life, you also make new friends… those who are not your childhood buddies, whom you don’t know since school or college. These are ones you make in your professional spaces, or in group meetings which stem out of common interests (say a adventure camp), etc. Even these new friendships add great value to your life. Further, things get more complicated if you are married.  For example, I have observed that, married girls tend to make only “girl-friends” who are either married or single. Similarly, married guys tend to make only “guy-friends” who are either married or single. When there is a strong male-female friendship, and one is married, then the other is invariably single. Very rarely, have I seen deep meaningful friendships between a married male and a married female. I think these do not blossom because the society tends to see the nature of this friendship in different light. And again, this is really sad.

What does your experience tell you?

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Further (possibly interesting) reading:
I think this article sums up quite a bit on male-female friendships. It’s a long read, but worth it.

Chatterjee, C. (2016). Can men and women be friends? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends